Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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