Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
