Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Even my vagina gasped.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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