I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
