I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Couch. On fire.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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