no, he came in my armpit
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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