Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
