I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
do nipples grow back?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
