You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
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