If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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