Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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