They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
