HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
