so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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