SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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