omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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