there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
