im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
