Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And then he peed in my hair
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