I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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