thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
