I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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