Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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