I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
