Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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