My friends, they love my intelligence
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
