Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
