Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
