I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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