Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
