i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
