4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
