By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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