Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
