How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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