when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
