Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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