I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
