he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
