when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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