I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
