so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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