We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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