when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
