i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
