you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
