im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
