Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
