We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The air taste purple.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
