Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
