her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
